“TOPICS”
Everyone Is Judging Me: By Brecka
Who?
Most times you’ll think that only certain people (family, friends, co-workers) are judging you; when in actually you are acting like everyone is judging you. Surprise!!! – no one is judging; they aren’t losing sleep over it, they don’t even care that much. Even if I entertain your thoughts about others judging you-who cares? The only thing that matters is How you are judging you!! Further perspective example: You believe your Mother is judging you at a level 5, you then are judging you at a level 20. What’s worse here?-YOU! Understand this: no one wakes up saying, “I want to be a failure today.” That said, we all start our days and continue our days doing the best we can do. So lighten up on yourself and know that you are being the best you, you can be-everyday.
What?
What causes people to judge, and What causes people to feel judged?? People do judge; it’s unfortunate, but understanding What judgments are about helps one to understand judging as a whole. “She shouldn’t being wearing that shirt,” “He doesn’t know anything,” “They shouldn’t be together”…. The ONLY reason people judge is because of insecurities and inadequacies they feel about themselves. Thus said, The ONLY reason people judge themselves is because of insecurities and inadequacies they feel about themselves. It has ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with any other person but yourself!! What are you trying to compare yourself to?
Where?
I’m gonna be a bit harsh now: Where do you get off thinking that you’re that important?? Stop it!! Get out of other people’s brains!! Everyone, at the end of the day ONLY wants the best for their loved ones. The misconception that you have to do, be, say, and act in the “right” way is all your assumption. Fact of the matter is: ALL you need to do is be You and anything else doesn’t really matter. Where are you in degrees of liking and accepting yourself? If you hate you, others will hate you. If you like you, others will like you. If you think you are super awesome, others will think you’re super awesome-this is fact! Where do your insecurities lie? Actually, this is a PERFECT test: if you hate your shirt, others will hate your shirt (problem solved). If you hate your decisions, others will hate your decisions (problem solved). And if you love your life, you will continue to love your life, REGARDLESS of What others think. Actually, soon enough other people’s perceived judgments will just disappear.
When?
Most times, you feel you are doing the best you can do right now. When is it appropriate to say something to people that are judging your best efforts? Always, and immediately-if possible (if not, tell people as soon as you are able to verbalize it). Beginning to converse with your loved ones about the Real You can seem intimidating at first. Please, please carry on; your end results will be a lot less painful than the pain of enduring “thoughts” of ridicule. Plus, chances are they want to communicate differently and in a better way with you too-but don’t know How. (So, either guide them to this site or change your thinking, which will inadvertently change their thinking of you.)
Why?
Why do you care what others are thinking of you? Sometimes it seems like “polite” thing to do; don’t want to ‘rock the boat.’ Now, I personally like being polite. I like to think of myself as polite, and as a woman with proper manners. I hold myself with high regard; I like who I am, I like what I like, and I like the people I am around. Because I do, I have NO fear about What others think of me. My decisions are consistently made knowing that I am always thinking of others and myself AND the best outcome for everyone. With a mindset like this, How can you argue? Why would you think others can make better decisions than you can make for yourself? Why would you decide to do or not do anything based on what others may think of it? Seems ridiculous, but we understand How easy it is to fall in the trap of past behavior. So let’s let others fall into your new “trap”: the trap of positive expectations, confident deliveries, and conscious decisions.
HOW?
How do you know when others are judging you? Is it because you’re making a wrong choice- or if you’re making a right choice and are still getting judged? The go-to answer always is quite simple…it DOESN”T matter at all!! Whether you are currently making good or bad choices, that’s your own judgment for yourself; no one can make that judgment-because they’re not you. Stop worrying about right and wrong. If you currently are making poor decisions, there is a reason and purpose for this. There is something you must learn or let go of so you can reach the next step. Making decisions based on other people’s orders will not allow you to grow the way you need to. Now let’s not completely black and white that statement: other people’s suggestions and tips may be helpful at times, example: “Don’t take the expressway today because construction just started.” This is their observation; now You get to judge for yourself the route You want to take. If that means they think you’re an idiot or a wise listener, that’s on them. If you are choosing to be an idiot or a wise one, that’s on you! Always make choices for yourself, sometimes based on information from others, BUT never actually decide based on others expectations of you.
It’s time to speak up! If you are feeling particularly judged be someone, tell them: “I don’t mean to be rude, Sally; however, I can’t help but feel judged by your remark. I would love to hear your suggestion, but I would also love for you to accept my decision about …” Honest communication always wins! If not, stop hanging out with losers. We don’t do losers here, so let’s get you in gear with being a win-win winner.
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Everyone Is Judging Me: By Caroline
Who?
“They’re Judging Me!” Your neighbor, mom, wife, your coworker, that guy across the street – potential Judgers everywhere! When You feel Judged, you feel: hurt, defensive, angry…after all, “Who are THEY to judge ME?!” These Judgers are often times individuals closest to us; but how is it possible that our loved ones are also “evil” Judgers?
Your wife loves you, so why would she hurt you by Judging You? It is impossible because these people are NOT actually Judgers – in fact YOU are the Judger: a Self Judger! If dad gives you his opinion regarding your job, he is simply giving you his opinion. It is the Self Judger within You that thinks dad is a nosy know it all who is criticizing your career decisions. So the real question is: Who are YOU to Judge Yourself?!”
What?
What kinds of people Judge?
1. People who are excited about their opinion and want to share it with you in an overzealous manner.
2. People who talk about others’ perceived faults, do this in order to distract away from their own perceived faults.
3. People who only know how to connect with people by Judging others.
4. People who are giving you an opinion that strikes a cord with your inner Judger! In what circumstances does your inner Judger get riled up? Later, You will find out that paying attention to this is key.
When?
When are you feeling Judged? If the answer is anything more than “rarely” then YOU are the problem! It is incredibly irrational and egotistical to believe that everyone is constantly thinking about You. News Flash: They aren’t! People are not loosing any sleep about how you look in that skirt, who you are dating, or what job you have. And these “co-Judgers” spend about 1 second spouting off their Judgment – while You are spending the next hour, day, week, month, years thinking about SOMEONE ELSE’S 1 second Judgment! You are the most important person in Your Life, but what makes You think that You are the most important person in everyone else’s life? You’re not – get over that and you will quickly find that the number of “co-Judgers” in your life will dwindle immediately.
Where?
Where are the Judgers while you are walking around with Self Judgment? GONE! For example, a Judger’s statement lasts 5 seconds. But are You holding onto feelings of anger, hurt, and defensiveness 5 hours later? The Judgers are living their lives, doing the next thing, not thinking another thought about you and what you’re doing. Take a cue from the Judger: don’t hold on to the perceived judgment ANY LONGER than the length of time it took to hear the judgment…because they sure aren’t! If you decide you want to dwell on to that judgment longer than that, it is because you are giving power to your inner Judger – allowing him/her to hold onto the nonsense, feed it, validate it, make it true. Ewwww! If judgments are untrue, do NOT endorse them and authenticate them by paying undue attention to them. Stop it! Relinquish control from Your inner Judger now!
HOW?
How do I stop people from Judging Me? As stated above, there are easy techniques you can utilize in order to stop feeling Judged. However, you can not physically STOP a Judger. The good news is that You CAN change the way you interact with them, which will make both of you feel better about your interactions without being Judged.
In the earlier example of dad stating his opinion regarding your job, dad says, “I don’t know why you work at the Auto Repair shop, you should go into car sales like Uncle Pete. Uncle Pete makes very good money as a salesman!” What is your response to dad? Response 1: “What, you don’t think I make good money now dad? Besides, I’m not greedy and all about money like Uncle Pete is. Sorry I can’t be perfect like Uncle Pete!” This approach is terrible because you stopped the connection with your dad dead in its tracks. How in the world is your dad supposed to respond to all THAT? Not to mention you were TOTALLY judging your dad’s opinion! Look, now you are a Judger too - boooo!
Let’s instead try Response 2: “I appreciate that you are looking out for me and are thinking of opportunities for me to increase my income. However, I am very content with the income I earn doing what I really love working at the Auto Repair shop. Also, IF I’m interested in brainstorming new careers with you, I will let you know. In the meantime, there is no need for you to do the brainstorming for me.” You explained a truth to dad – and no one can argue Your personal truth! Bonus: You and dad can continue your interaction better connected and more productive. Triple Bonus: you and dad are both FREE of Judgment! Yay!!!!