“Go To Phrases”
“I think…, I feel…”
You need to develop new and appropriate language skills, judgers and judgees! Start by being extremely accurate with all your words, so you leave less area for confusion and other people’s opinions of What you’re saying. When you say, “I think….” say what you’re thinking-easy enough! Now, beware of the next statement because people use this inaccurately all the time: “I feel…” your next words HAVE to be an emotion!!-otherwise it’s a thought. So, “I feel ashamed, I feel confused, I feel pressured, I feel content…” All of these phrases redirect away from the judgement and back to the focus of what’s really going on.
“I am willing to…, I am not willing to…”
The most important part of using these phrases is that You are now having to Ask Yourself these questions before relaying the information to others. When you have identified What you are willing and not willing to do, you have just made the most impactful decision to the betterment of your connections. Stick to your guns here though!! No one respects or listens to empty threats-and you will be tested. Think about it first, then tell others the new way things will work and please ask them What they are willing and not willing to do. These phrases create new dynamics that will eliminate Your self-judgement (because self-judgment is something you are no longer willing to do!)
“Oh no, I’m afraid I didn’t quite make myself clear.”
This is waaay better than: “You’re not listening to me!” “You don’t understand me!” “Why can’t you just love and accept me!” Now the ball is back in your court, and you have the full opportunity to express How you actually feel and What you’re actually thinking. People can’t judge or ignore accurate and true statements when you what you think and feel. Be patient with yourself and your loved ones; speak with confidence and they’ll feel confident that You know You well-that’s all they really want for you anyway.
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