Personal Journal 08/21/10

Happy Body, Happy Me

It’s a good today – I am getting a massage! Yay! I intended on going to a massage place on the other side of town (which will remain nameless) but I read some mixed reviews online which made me more than a little leery. Instead, I took the advice of my dear friend Michelle who recommended a massage place in my neighborhood called “Apple a Day Massage.”

Why am I getting a massage? I have been experiencing severe pain along the right side of my body for about a week and a half…Which is a week and a half too long if you ask me! The pain is radiating through my head, right jaw, eye, neck, shoulders, back and arm – ick! I am not one to take chronic pain lightly, so something needed to change.

Three days ago, I discovered what I thought was the source of this nastiness: my right jaw. I was exhibiting the classic symptoms of TMJ. Like many people, I’ve always had a tendency to grind and clench my teeth at night. So per the advice of the experts, I went out to get a mouth guard. Unfortunately, the next morning I woke to find myself clenching and grinding the mouth guard! Still NOT good and still pain

So on to the masseuse! But before making an appointment I checked out the company website since I love doing a little research before I commit to anything from making a hair appointment to making dinner reservations…and this was my body so I was DEFINITELY doing some research first In looking through the website, a new service called “Body Memory Recall” caught my eye immediately: http://www.appleadaymassage.com/documents/BMRQA.pdf. According to the website, “Body Memory Recall (BMR) is a form of therapeutic bodywork and integrates four mind-body therapy techniques; Myofascial Release, Cranial Sacral Therapy, Visceral Memory Release and Unwinding. Collectively, these techniques comprehensively treat the effects of body memory and maximize a person’s innate self-healing abilities to release it.” Say whaaaat? In layperson’s terms, Apple a Day Massage explains: “BMR refers to the stress of past experiences being stored in the body as tension/pain”. I was definitely experiencing a lot of tension and pain – what memories were being stored in my body?

I was initially nervous but excited because over the last year, I have started reconnecting with my body, so this would definitely be a good step in the “reuniting” process. My comfort level increased as the specialist took time to talk with me for quite a bit before we got started. He explained the process and I told him about what was going on in my life at the moment. I explained that I have recently embarked on a life journey that steers me in a very different direction then the one I had taken my previous 28 years on earth. He asked if I had any traumatic experiences or surgeries. The first thing that came out of my mouth was the passing of my father a year ago. My statement was more prophetic then I would have imagined.

The therapy is hard to describe, the set up is pretty much like any massage: comforting music, dim room, massage table. My only “duty” was to breathe deeply and concentrate ONLY on my breathing. This simple breathing technique is used in meditation and yoga as it clears the mind and thus refocuses on the body’s “mind.” I was trying hard not to let my mind wander while the specialist massaged and gripped my body looking to release the stored stress.

Something interesting started to happen: as the specialist was stretching my right arm, I started to feel an odd pain in my right hand. Instantly a few tears rolled down my cheeks and I felt a deep sadness…but this feeling had nothing to do with the pain in my right hand! I was having an intense emotion, but there was nothing at that moment “going on” per say, to trigger such a strong emotion. As the specialist continued, another “pain spot” was found around my right clavicle and to a lesser degree my left clavicle. The focus on this area resulted in near sobbing as I felt an even deeper and more intense sadness – it was hard to focus on my breathing as I was uncontrollably crying! After the 60 minute session, I was left alone on the massage table to unwind for a few minutes. I went into another last bout of crying; no thoughts, just feelings of releasing a deep sadness.

Afterwards, I spoke with the specialist and he gave his opinion on how the session went. He definitely agreed that there was tension in my jaw and my right side in general, but what I found interesting is that the jaw muscle ends where the clavicle is located – that was my most sensitive pain spot! He also explained that in Chinese medicine, grief can be stored in the upper lung which is exactly where my clavicle pain point was. I was amazed and thought to myself: “Was my body memory of sadness and grief making me literally “chew away” at myself???”

I left feeling melancholy, but a melancholy I have never felt before. It was like feeling a deep sadness was leaving me…but in a good way. I was exhausted and hungry; per the advice of the specialist, I took it easy the rest of the day, drank plenty of water and ate nutritional food (as opposed to processed or junk food). I felt like my head was in a slight vice the rest of the day, which was to be expected as it is common that pain would be around for another 24-48 hours before I felt great relief.

The Body Memory Recall session has definitely made a difference in my mind/body reconnecting process. Most importantly, it gave rise to important questions that I have never thought of, but I am now asking myself. What does the right side of my body represent? Have I really processed my emotions fully? I am excited to go back for another session, but perhaps after I get another paycheck