| I recently watched a rerun of the sitcom Married…with Children. The patriarch of the family, Al Bundy, has an epiphany (after much persuading) that his vision is poor and he must get glasses. After a comical montage of Al trying on a variety of wacky frames, Al picks a pair and can finally see his world clearly – however, this has unintended consequences. The episode concludes with Al becoming disenchanted: Al sees an unattractive wife, unkempt home, bad kids, etc. He does not like what he now sees and goes back to a life of poor vision, deciding never to wear glasses again. This episode made me think of the first time I got glasses my sophomore year of high school. Initially it was very exciting! The leaves on the trees were brighter and greener. The sky was so clear and blue; I could make out the curvature and details of every cloud. However, the zits on my face were bigger and redder. The skin on my abdomen was flabbier. My hair was messier and greasier. I thought to myself, “Was this how I always looked???” Even though I could finally read the chalkboard from the back of the classroom (yay!) was it worth having all my flaws instantly magnified?I thought back to Al Bundy – was he really so crazy for not wanting to see clearly? After all, before I got glasses my skin was clearer, my stomach was firmer and my hair was stylish. Who wouldn’t prefer the “pre-glasses” world?Well folks, we really aren’t that different from Al Bundy in that our metaphorical vision correction results in surprising outcomes. Things are going on in our lives ALL the time that we are cannot “see”. Then one day, like magic we are able to instantly see so clearly what is going on! But what to do with this newfound information? What do you do once you “see” a friendship for what it really is; a one way street? What do you do once you can “see” an employment opportunity for what it really is; a scam? Seeing clearly can be painful; so it is tempting to retreat to your previous world of “poor vision” just like Al Bundy. But retreat is not an option! This is the point where you might ask: “What is this drawn out analogy leading up to?” ME! Of course – this is why it is a personal journal! I have recently been blessed with seeing more and more clearly, so I’ve been spending a great deal of time pondering what my next step is after the “20/20 vision magic” happens. Just like when I was in high school, seeing clearly can be beautiful - but it can be ugly. The question remained: What to do with that new information?Having the insight to see a situation in your life clearly is a gift we can use to create the best life possible! Yet seeing clearly can feel as if you are going through the 5 stages of grief!
1. DENIAL. “This has been going on the whole time and I was completely unaware of it? This can’t be happening – WTF!?”
2. ANGER. “I can’t believe that this sh*t was allowed to happen! This is wrong and unfair! Argh!”
3. BARGAINING. “Maybe if I ____ or close my eyes then what I can now “see” will no longer be an issue?
4. DEPRESSION. “I should give up; there is nothing I can do about this anyways so I might as well throw in the towel.”
5. ACCEPTANCE. “This is how it has always been. Seeing clearly has made me aware of it so I will be OK with it.”
Luckily boys and girls, the only thing you are grieving is the death of a dream! The death of the friendship that you dreamt was a 2 way street. The death of the job opportunity that you dreamt was a genuine opportunity. The death of everything that never was because you were previously in the dark and not seeing clearly!
All my pondering has led me to discover the final and most important step. This step will transform 20/20 vision from a perceived burden into a very real and effective tool.
6. POSITIVE ACTION. “Now that I see this situation clearly for what it is, I will adjust my actions and expectations in order to create the realistic situation that I want and is healthy.”
Yes step 6 is a tricky b*tch! But this step is the most overlooked when we are processing our newfound 20/20 vision. It’s like you just noticed you have a big stain on your new white couch. Do you stay in anger mode because your couch is ruined? Do you throw a blanket over it in an effort to pretend it was never there? Or do you clean that spot off even if it requires extensive scrubbing and research on the latest stain cleaning technology? The choice is yours!
We are doing everything perfectly, regardless if we are in step 1 or step 6, but whatever step you are currently residing in, don’t stay there forever. We owe it to ourselves and our gift of clear vision to follow through – don’t be an Al Bundy and discard your 20/20 vision!
Check out Caroline’s other Personal Journal Entries!!
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